When I had my first follow-up examination in late November 2012, I went into the practice with mixed feelings, in which I had been diagnosed with breast cancer 1.5 years earlier. On the one hand, I was sure that everything was fine. On the other…. maybe not? Being completely checked again by ultrasound and mammography triggered considerable stress. Not that I was not used to being examined (which happened in part every day during the year), but if something is specifically searched for, something could possibly be found.
The practice I was in is not known for its sensitive handling of patients. So much in advance. Even before the doctor saw me, I was told that an MRI should definitely be done again. For safety. After the first mammography, I was still waiting for my upper body to be free in the moving booth, I am told that a picture still needs to be taken. The result is not clear. I suddenly felt thrown back 1.5 years. After the ultrasound, the sentence “There is something wrong with the other brood. The fabric has changed from 1.5 years ago ”.
Doctors should finally start paying attention to their choice of words. On the one hand I thought "Of course it did. After the chemo, the surgeries, after 1.5 years ... 15 kilos up and down and above all, because I no longer take the pill." The latter has caused me to have moderate to severe breast tenderness about 1.5 weeks before my menstruation started again. Something that many women know and which is quite normal. On the other hand, the words of a doctor telling you that something is wrong are worrying. The MRI that was supposed to provide clarity was only a week later and I was back in my old film and in fear.
Monday to Wednesday I had a job as a make-up artist. The MRI should be done on Thursday. In quiet moments I tried to find my inner voice again. And something in me said very quietly "Everything is fine". Just as I knew when it was diagnosed that it was not, I knew deep down that it was now. But what is your own inner voice against that of a doctor?
During the shoots my mind kept wandering and it was hard for me to concentrate fully on the work. I could hardly stand it by late afternoon. My thoughts carousel out of fear was rotating and seemed unstoppable. I sat to the side where I still had my eye on the shoot and started something I had heard from Robert Betz. Every feeling, as unpleasant as it is, wants to be accepted and felt. Only then can it work. So I started talking to my fear in my mind. I felt pretty stupid. But luckily nobody could hear what I thought.
“Hello dear fear. Yes, I feel you. Very intense for days. Thank you for being there. But it would be great if you could go now as I have to concentrate on my work here now and it would be wonderful if I could take a few minutes to breathe. It doesn't matter what comes out on Thursday with the MRI. Because I choose life! I want to live!". Immediately afterwards, something happened that I never expected. Suddenly a picture came into my head, of a large figure that took fear in the form of a small, shady child by the hand and led it away. Together with the words “Come. Now we leave Julia alone and go to someone else. ”. The next moment the fear was gone and I could breathe again. There was such a liberating calm
The result of the MRI was good, i.e. without any findings. Of course, I couldn't have had this magical experience without this doctor. Nevertheless, I think it is time that doctors understand how powerful their words are and that you should be a little more sensitive to them on certain topics, since both the placebo effect and the nocebo effect have both been confirmed in various tests.